Reflections
by Melissa2
Summary: My 30th Andromeda fic, in which the characters reflect on the fics I've written so far in a rather humorous manner


Title: Reflections  
Author: Melissa, aka ILH  
Censor: PG-13   
Content Warnings: General insanity and silliness without a real plot  
Central Characters: Everyone gets a say in this fic, but mostly Harper  
Spoilers: For several of my fics  
Author's Note: First of all, I'd like to thank Mandy for the inspiration. This fic is rather similar to hers, only I have more fics to talk about in mine. This is my Andromeda fic 30. Wow! I can't believe I've written 30 Andromeda fics already. In celebration, this is just a revisitation of a few of my fics and the characters' reactions to what I put them through. It's completely silly, and doesn't make much sense. And there's a couple references to non-fic things which most people probably won't understand.  
Disclaimer: Andromeda's characters and the like belong to Tribune, not me.  
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Andromeda's crew had assembled on Command Deck for an important meeting-  
  
"Cut the crap. We know this is just a fic," Harper interrupted.  
  
"Another fic? Who's the author this time?" Trance asked.  
  
"Definitely Melissa, also called i_LOVE_harper," Tyr replied.  
  
"She ibloves/i/b me?!? Then why does she break my heart and injure me and make me sicker than a dog in almost all of her fics?" Harper glared at the wall because the author was nowhere to be seen.  
  
"But she writes all those cute little romance fics with you and me, Harper," Trance said, smiling.  
  
"He's mine," Beka interrupted. "Try reading iThat Which Was Lost/i and iFamily/i."  
  
"What about iHow Could An Angel.../i and iWondering What Sparky Cola Kisses Taste Like/i. We even went all the way in iTrance's Tribulations/i!"  
  
"He propositioned me seven times in iHome/i!" Beka argued.  
  
Trance glared at Beka. "iToo Good To Be True/i even won an award!"  
  
"Hey, ladies, there's much than enough of the Harper to go around," Harper said.  
  
"What about the rest of us?" Dylan asked, ending the argument. "Aren't we going to get a role in this fic?"  
  
"She never gives me a role. All of you have had at least a single fic dedicated to you," Tyr said.  
  
Everyone paused.  
  
"I had iLatter Days/i and a major role in iNightmares/i," Rommie admitted.  
  
"Tyr's right. I had iAmbivalence/i and iNot Just A Game/i," Dylan said.  
  
"She even dedicated iFinding The Way/i to my early life," Rev said.  
  
"Tyr, you're lucky. You don't even wanna know everything she's done to me," Harper said. "She's written at least twenty fics about yours truly."  
  
"She made me measure your body and sew," Tyr said, trying not to visibly show his digust.  
  
"She made me run around the whole freakin' ship in my underwear! And I'm not even gonna go into iYesterday Is Only a Verse in the Ballad of Life/i! She did that one under a fake name because she was so worried about content issues!" Harper said angrily. "The whole content issue being-"  
  
"She's done things that we don't like to all of us," Rommie said, stopping Harper before they went into R-rated territory.  
  
"I'm so glad she never got around to that sequel to iLa Guérison/i," Beka said.  
  
"I was wondering how she was planning to-" Trance started.  
  
"You're venturing into R-rated territory, Trance," Dylan warned.  
  
Everyone was quiet again for a moment.  
  
"I say it's revenge time!" Harper said, looking around for the author.  
  
"What do you want to do to her, Harper?" Dylan asked.  
  
"Everything she's done to me over the past 29 fics. Y'know, this is her 30th," Harper said.  
  
"You should be merciful, Master Harper," Rev said.  
  
"Why should I be 'merciful,' Master Rev?" Harper asked mockingly.  
  
"Your character has been in almost every fic," Rev replied.  
  
"And you did get some action more than once. Even with Rommie in iThe Farthest Star/i." Beka pointed out.  
  
"That was one fic, and Rom-doll regreted it!" Harper sighed. "Now it's time to pull out the master list."  
  
"The master list...what's that?" Trance asked.  
  
"It's a list of every single fic she's written with us in it," Harper explained, pulling the list out of his pocket.  
  
Rommie walked up behind him. "It's alphabetized, not in chronological order," she commented.  
  
"From iAmbivalance/i to iYesterday Is Only a Verse in the Ballad of Life/i," Harper said. "She's tortured me in well over half of these, y'know."  
  
The entire crew gathered around Harper, reading over the list.  
  
"She's tortured all of us," Rommie said.  
  
"I don't think she's that bad," Trance said.  
  
"She made you hor-" Harper started.  
  
"This is PG-13, Harper," Dylan warned.  
  
"She made you dangerous if you didn't...uhhhh...let's see how I can say this in PG-13," Harper said.  
  
"You can say sex," Rommie said.  
  
"I can?" Harper asked.  
  
"You just can't go into explicit detail," Rommie explained.  
  
"Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex!" Harper said. "Even though it doesn't notch up this fic's rating, Melissa, I can bfeel/b you blushing! Yes, we can all sense you. And we know exactly what you're thinking and-"  
  
"Stop it, Harper!" Trance said.   
  
"Is there a plot in this mess of dialogue?" Tyr asked, obviously annoyed.  
  
"The author is intimidated by us characters," Harper said, grinning.   
  
"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Beka warned.  
  
"She's powerless against the power of the-" A piece of the Command Deck ceiling fell onto Harper's head. "Harper," he finished, rubbing his head.  
  
"Are you all right Harper?" Trance asked, hurrying to his side.  
  
"Hurts like hell, but I'll be fine. And as for you, Miss All Powerful Author, that's as far as you'll go. I know you wouldn't kill me without a major dramatic scene before it."  
  
"But she is more than capable of embarrassing you," Dylan reminded Harper.  
  
"Don't even go into embarrassment. I could name like ten fics off hand that end in my personal humiliation." Harper groaned.  
  
"Let's see...my favorite has to be iHarper and the Orinian/i," Trance said. "You should've listened to me."  
  
"It's not like I had much control over it. At least it wasn't as bad as iA Not-So-Innocent Game of Truth or Dare/i. I do get more action than that!" Harper said.  
  
"And I would kick the ass of anyone that really tried to make me wear a dress," Beka said.  
  
"And I am bnot/b a little tea pot!" Tyr roared.  
  
The crew was silenced, staring at Tyr. From the ceiling behind them descended the author, engulfed in twinkling light.  
  
"It's her!" Harper said angrily, before cocking his head and staring. "You don't look so tough..."  
  
"Don't take offense at what I put you through. It's all in the name of fun and comedy." She stepped forward and hugged the uncertain Harper. "The ILH would never do anything to really hurt you. Please accept my apologies."  
  
"I guess I accept your apology," Harper said loudly. Under his breath he added, "Because I don't want another piece of Command Deck falling on my head."  
  
"How exactly did you get in the fic?" Trance asked. "I didn't think that was possible..."  
  
"Read the last two paragraphs of Parallel Lines," Melissa said.  
  
"Have you completed the second sequel yet?" Rev asked.  
  
"Not quite yet. But it's worth the wait," Melissa replied.  
  
"Can I ask you something?" Harper asked.  
  
Melissa nodded, and he whispered something in her ear, which was immediately followed by her giggling.  
  
"What do you think?" Harper asked.  
  
Melissa smiled. "I think it's been done before, more recently than you probably know, but it's still the perfect ending to the 30th fic. But are you sure you ihave/i a box of feathers around here?"  
  
Harper grinned. "I'll find one, don't you worry."   
  
*****  
  
A few hours later, the author bade the crew farewell.  
  
"Bye, Mel," Harper said.  
  
"Bye, Harper. It was nice meeting you." She smiled.  
  
"Will you ever come back?" Trance asked.  
  
"We'll see at fic number 50," she replied.  
  
And with that, she made her ascent through the ceiling and back into the normal realm.  
  
"Who else feels really glad that she's finally outta here?" Harper asked.  
  
One by one, the rest of the crew raised their hands, even Trance.  
  
"That's what I thought," Harper said. He picked up his Sparky from the floor where he had left it before the fic began. "Here's to her never returning!"  
  
"But what was that feather thing?" Trance asked.  
  
"It was to keep her from exploding my head or turning off the gravity. And to keep her from coming back for a long time," Harper explained.  
  
"You didn't," Beka said.  
  
"I did, and I'd do it again." Harper grinned.  
  
"Did she know what you were doing?" Beka asked.  
  
"I don't really think she had any clue...but don't worry, she'll be fine in a few weeks. Actually, she should be starting to feel it right about now. Flash is so much fun when incorrectly used."  
  
"Which is why I'm ending the fic now," Rommie said. "Before she comes back and this fic really gets R-rated."  
  
And everything went completely black. 


End file.
